Trapped

Sometimes, Life can put you in the wrong place at the wrong time, You feel so desperate to leave, escape and run far far away but you have so many commitments that may hold you back. Responsibilities towards people other than yourself, most importantly Family, some other obligations may include a loan, a house contract or even a phone plan… I believe that we are escaping our homeland at first place looking for a better life and that can be provided by having more money, a more rewarding job opportunity, a better lifestyle and above all “FREEDOM”.

We may blame life for our own decisions like I just did in my introduction but I take that back and I would rather take full responsibility for my poor choices and putting myself in the wrong place, with the wrong people and at the wrong time. I may try to convince myself that it was for the right reasons or maybe I was left with no options but in fact, I had more than one option and I have chosen to select the worst and it all goes down to the fact that I can’t say NO…

If I only said NO when I had to and felt like it I wouldn’t be where I am now, dealing with insomnia, sadness, loneliness, guilt and much more till the point that I can’t see much light anymore. It became dark deep down in my soul, I am full of pain and rage and unable to express them in anyway possible, they just keep turning to dark spots patching the cracked wall and the only difference this time is that I don’t need for those cracks to be repaired because they are the only way a light can enter my soul, I am dwelling in darkness and those who keep offering help are the ones who caused it. At some point I doubted myself, I thought that what they are saying was right, may be their way is the right way and I just did not understand it yet, I saw the red flags and said to myself that I could be paranoid, I felt something was not right and again thought that I tend to complicate things. At some point I lost faith in ME and believed the lies and allowed them to manipulate me and let me make a confession here, it only happened because I allowed it, I saw it coming and played along anyway and that makes me my own victim and if I have to be prosecuted in my own court of law, I may get death sentence but as my lawyer is my own ego, I always get away with it.

I am out of options on how to fix my own mess, a chaotic situation I put myself in with the help of others and now I can’t find a way out…

Have you ever felt trapped? If the answer is yes then welcome to the club of trapped souls, a club in which subscription are not free. It is really expensive in here, it takes a lot of sleepless nights, anxiety, panic attacks and much more...

Have you ever hated life so much that even having a simple meal became a challenge...Have you ever forced yourself out of bed with your eyes full of tears...